Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
