Whod you bang
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
