Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
