I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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