We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
