of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
