I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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