I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
