Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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