My brain says no but my pants say off.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
