Texts From Last Night

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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.

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  (308): i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me. http://tfl.nu/ln0p
  Replies (18) Good night (4382) Bad night (776)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!

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  (407): At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick! http://tfl.nu/dynw
  Replies (56) Good night (1365) Bad night (9264)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?

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  (731): We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country? http://tfl.nu/p4z6
  Replies (37) Good night (4758) Bad night (1305)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.

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  (303): He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool. http://tfl.nu/8q12
  Replies (14) Good night (7228) Bad night (1920)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers

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  (512): She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers http://tfl.nu/jy5e
  Replies (11) Good night (2036) Bad night (3544)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm off the liquor

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick

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  (403): I'm off the liquor (1-403): You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick http://tfl.nu/sglp
  Replies (7) Good night (2116) Bad night (737)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"

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  (+44): You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action" http://tfl.nu/vmud
  Replies (10) Good night (1619) Bad night (907)
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  (626): View more from California

  Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy

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  (626): Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy http://tfl.nu/8u1j
  Replies (2) Good night (743) Bad night (1733)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.

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  (814): Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME. http://tfl.nu/nij2
  Replies (6) Good night (1171) Bad night (480)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride

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  (585): Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride http://tfl.nu/ym4t
  Replies (4) Good night (1194) Bad night (458)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs

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  (269): You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs http://tfl.nu/fy9x
  Replies (5) Good night (944) Bad night (422)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again

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  (228): I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again http://tfl.nu/bu4d
  Replies (2) Good night (870) Bad night (380)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar

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  (339): It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar http://tfl.nu/fowx
  Replies (0) Good night (447) Bad night (229)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise

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  (845): I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise http://tfl.nu/hmpq
  Replies (3) Good night (422) Bad night (142)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.

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  (484): I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK. http://tfl.nu/cluw
  Replies (3) Good night (615) Bad night (112)

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