I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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