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im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just threw up on my dentist
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
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