she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
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