my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
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It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.