her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dick very happy bro
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes