its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
