I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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