I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
