Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
