theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
