somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
