DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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