apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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