I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
