omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
