I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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