You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
