It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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