OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
