Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
