I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
