some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
