'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize