Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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