I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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