nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
