worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
