casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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