It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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