shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
