47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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