Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
