Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
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Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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