I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
