Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
