Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am one with the molecules
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
