There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
