I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
