my being single is dangerous.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
