i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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