you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
