We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
