really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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