The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
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I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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