I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
