Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
