Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
