I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
