So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
