my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
