He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
