woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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