you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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