Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
