sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
