Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
